December 25, 2007: Christmas Message 2007 for television of H.E. mr. F.M. d.l.S. Goedgedrag

Distinguished fellow country men and women

From the bottom of my heart, I want to wish you, also on behalf of my wife and sons, a very merry Christmas! 

I would like to express my heartfelt gratitude for all the care and attention that my wife and I received during my convalescence.

It is not just because of that, that I would like to talk to you about the heart.

There are many among us that have a “broken heart”… or a heart where blockages need to be removed.  And that’s not just in a mechanical, physical sense. I am speaking of the heart as the vital center of our being and emotions.  Maybe our heart has been wounded.  Our “spiritual arteries” may be clogged up.  Old anger, hate and hurts, like leftover poisons, may be lodged at the entrance of our heart and prevent “life” from flowing freely.  When these toxic “enemies of life” are ignored, they will get harder and harder and ultimately we will have a heart of stone, and lack the ability to feel sympathy for others.  Then also our words will become harsh and impure.  Then we might get into fights.

Why do people fight?

Maybe someone was not greeted. 

Maybe the “offender” had given a compliment to someone else and did not pay attention to the others that were present.

Perhaps criticism was given.

Or an insult was spoken. 

Or people were not treated fairly. 

In any event, someone did not live up to expectations, and now people are disappointed, maybe even angry. 

Getting angry about an injustice is fine, but staying angry is life-threatening and damages our heart. The irony of the matter is, that while we carry around grudges for years, and struggle along with a heavy burden, the offender may be dancing merrily through life and is probably oblivious to the offence he has committed.

Confucius said: "To be wronged is nothing, unless you continue to remember it." 

I was told of two ladies who are in conflict for years over some non-issue.  When they meet each other, the fight flares up immediately.  They are yelling and screaming; even pulling each other’s hair. 

Last year a professional leader felt that a colleague did not take him seriously.  He has been angry now for over a year and only speaks to his colleague when absolutely necessary.  His heart is not clean; it is becoming stony.

Even during the discussions around the new governmental structure, words have sometimes been harsh and peace and harmony are at those times far sought.  It appears that even leaders may need “surgery of the heart”. 

Also some parents fight unfairly in front of their children. Actually parents and leaders ought to be examples of good conflict management; we should be able to learn from them how to deal properly with disagreements and perceived injustices.

Conflicts also arise, when people feel they did not get the “respect” that they expected.

For us Antilleans, respect is a high value. 

But let me ask you; is that giving respect, or getting respect? 

Could it be that many of us are more concerned about being treated with respect, than about showing respect to others?  

When it comes to respect, we will reap what we have sown.  Being respected is not automatic, it is not an inherent right; it needs to be earned, and it needs to be sown.  If we behave ourselves respectably, if our actions are loving and we care for others, then we will be respected.  And if we treat others with respect, people will in turn treat us the same way. 

People who are the most deserving of respect, often worry about it the least.  If we too worry less about getting respect and our ego, we will have more peace in our life. 

Then we will be angry less often.

Of course some conflicts are more serious. Real injustice happens in this world and we cannot just overlook that, the way we could with insults. 

Crimes are being committed. 

People have lied and cheated. 

Promises have been broken. 

Real people have been really hurt. 

But even then, is it wise to harbor resentment for years? Forgiveness is necessary, also with big offenses.

"Lack of forgiveness is holding on to a burning coal, despite the hurt in the hopes, that it is burning and hurting someone else." (Kevin Everett FitzMaurice)

There is a big obstacle on the road to forgiveness and that is stubbornness.  Forgiveness is so much easier, if those who have hurt you apologize. 

Not with a forced, fake apology like, “if I have hurt you I am sorry”,

or, as I have heard some teens say: Sórrý... 

No, what truly helps is an honest admission of what was done wrong, and then to say sorry from the heart. 

Most people have difficulty admitting what they have done wrong.  Maybe out of pride, maybe out of fear. 

From the beginning of humanity we have tended to shift the blame from ourselves to others.  Instead of taking responsibility for what we have done, we prefer to speak about what others have done wrong. 

In bringing about peace it is essential that we admit our faults.

What helps the process of forgiveness is of course when the offender stops hurting you.  It is hard to forgive someone for stepping on your toes, if he continues to stomp on your feet. 

I hear some of you already saying: yes, I want to have peace, but I don’t know how to start, and maybe if I begin, the fight will start all over again! 

It might be necessary to get some professional help.  We have excellent counselors, mediators, pastors, rabbis and imams on our islands.  Contact them.  It will cost far less in time and money, than to live with conflict. Because most arguments are with those you are closest to. Remember the words of William Blake: "It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."

The last weeks you have heard Christmas carols and you sang along the words: Peace on earth and goodwill towards mankind.  Churches celebrate the birth of the Prince of Peace. 

Wars have even been suspended for Christmas. 

I propose that now is a good time to begin restoring relationships.  Take the first step. 

Bring a small gift to the one that hurt you. 

Apologize where you have wronged others. 

Begin the process of healing wounded hearts.

There is one thing I would like for Christmas: Help bring peace to our nation so that Antilleans will be known as peace-makers.

I wish you a peaceful Christmas!