19 mei 2007: Siman di Famia, toespraak van de Gouverneur voor de Raad van Kerken van Curaçao

Distinguished ladies and gentlemen,

Mostly when I make a telephone call anywhere in the world, people ask me, “How are you, all things well?” And after that we get down to the matter at hand.  But not so in the Caribbean and some other parts of the world, like Africa and Latin America. Our next question is: “and the family, how’s the family?”  This is a reflection of the fact that the family is highly valued.  And that is good.  Care for the family is vitally important to the well being of a society.  When families are well, society is better!

One of the many good things of us in the Antilles is that our people care well for their parents, especially making sure that mama is ok, is on the minds of many.  Many of you give your mother money; some even build her a house.  You take the commandment “honor your father and mother” seriously.  Many Antillean children show deep respect for their parents. This goes also for the younger generations; they have respect for their parents, although they have a hard time showing that!

In the family, people learn their values.  In the family, people learn how to love. In the family, people can learn how to share with others, and not just care for themselves.  It is in the family, that spirituality is developed.  In the family, culture is passed on.  In the family, conflict management is modeled.  The family is the place where discipline and a sense of responsibility are developed.  Family shapes the thinking and feeling of people. That is the case all over the world, all throughout the ages. For generations people lived, learned and loved in families.

A thousand years ago the mind of a child was primarily filled with input from family and friends, the family had chosen. People went to their house of worship as a family. In the beginning of the nineteenth century schools were founded and were, beside the family, a second influence on the mind of a child.  Teachers and peers now also shaped the thinking and emotions of our youth.  It was encouraged that parents be involved in the education of their children.  An integrated approach to the development of children is good! School and home work together.  Regrettably, some parents were less involved, even absent. 

During the industrial age a father worked outside of the home, influencing his children less, but if he put in extra effort he would still participate in the upbringing of his children. During the last decennia, also mothers started to work outside of the home.  Combine this with the fact that many fathers in the Antilles are absent from the home, not only to work, but also for leisure time, and the influence of parents on what fills the mind of a child is minimal.  Sometimes there is a grandmother who still passes on values, culture, faith and skills.  However it is the responsibility of parents primarily to bring up children with good values. The physical as well as emotional absence of fathers in our society hinders the proper development of a child. The absence of parents is definitely a missed opportunity! 

Should I stop here? Should I simply encourage you to take your role as father, mother, grandmother and grandfather more seriously, to behave more like a family, and be more involved in the school of your child?  No, there is more:

The current generation of children is the first generation in history with information-overload.  The industrial age has passed, the information age has arrived.  Was it first family, friends, church and school that filled the minds of your children, now it is the “screen”!

The movie screen…

The television screen…

And above all the computer screen.

These are very influential in shaping the values of our child.  The mind of our child is filled with what comes off the screen.  Our children run the risk of becoming “screen kids”.  Many of our children sit till late at night in front of a screen, often for as many hours as they are in school! They receive definitely more input from the screen than from mother and father.  When parents come home from work, they are often tired, and again “the screen” baby sits our children, educates our children, comforts our children, pollutes our children, teaches morality to our children.  The screen chats, gossips, seduces, stimulates and entertains…

How long are our children on MSN?

Who and what is filling their minds? 

What programs do they watch?

What sites have they visited?

Who is shaping their values?  Do you know?

While it was important to be very present during the industrial age, it is a matter of life and death during the current information age.  Parents, be there for your children!  Don’t let “the screen” be a winning competitor to you and your values, faith and culture.  Set limits to screen time.  Be aware of what comes from the screen to your kids, and talk with them about it.  Be with them, and listen.

Don’t probe or judge, but be a very present influence on the mind of your child.  Be involved with the school.  Know who your children’s friends are, both online as in real life. You have been given the assignment to teach values and spirituality to your children diligently, to talk about these things when you sit in your house or walk with your children, or drive them somewhere, both during the day and at night, constantly.

Dear friends and fellow Antilleans, celebrate family and birthdays.  Eat together, and not in front of a screen.  Have fun together, away from a screen. Then when people ask you, “how are you, all things well?” and “how is the family?” you can truly say: It is well with us!