December 25th, 2008: TV Christmas speech of the Governor

Distinguished fellow citizens,

I am speaking to you today to wish you a very merry Christmas! 

Christmas is a season for giving.  All of us have gone out and bought or made gifts for our family, friends and coworkers. Imagine two men shopping for Christmas gifts for their families.

The first man discovers a sale on car tires, and since the tires on his wife's car need to be replaced, he decides to buy her this perfectly practical gift. On Christmas Day, when his wife unwraps her tires, she is not happy. This same man also has a son who spends much of his time listening to music. The father thinks his son needs to be more physically active so he buys him a basketball and a football and running shoes, all the sports equipment the boy could possibly need. When the son unwraps his many gifts, however, he is not happy.

The second man, while shopping for his wife, passes a jewelry store window and sees the earrings his wife had recently admired. He buys these earrings for his wife and on Christmas Day, she unwraps the gift, and she is happy. She says to her husband, "You remembered." The second man also has a son. He has noticed that his son spends much of his time drawing in an old notebook, so even though he himself is more of a sports enthusiast, he buys his son a simple sketchbook and artist's pencils. When the boy unwraps his gift, he is happy. He says to his father, "You noticed."

Why is the second family happier than the first? What is the difference between these two men shopping at Christmas? The difference is not the price or uniqueness of the gifts bought, nor is it that one man loves his family more than the other. The difference is empathy. The first man gave his family gifts based on his own values and his own tastes. The second man took time to listen, remember, notice, and understand his wife and his son. This man showed empathy.

Empathy is the ability to understand and enter into the feelings of someone else. It is the practice of placing yourself in another person's shoes and imagining how they would think, feel, react in a given situation.

Showing empathy does not mean you have to always be nice, nor does it mean that you must agree. Showing empathy is much deeper than that.  It involves resisting the temptation to only think of yourself, then stretching past what you find important. It involves reaching out to understand other people, and recognizing that their experience, while different from your own, is just as meaningful and important.

If there were ever a time to show empathy, to picture yourself in another's place, to seek first to understand and then to be understood, it is now.  Our nation is going through a process of great change.  While we are already a multicultural, multilingual nation, we will soon recognize all the more the many different traditions, values and lifestyles that exist in the Antilles.  We will experience change in education, change in population, change in finances, and yes, also change in governmental structure. During this process of change, empathy for others, even for your opponent, is of the essence.

Empathy is also at the foundation of our economic success, and can be demonstrated through client-centeredness. This means anticipating the needs and desires of our clients by thinking how they think and feeling what they feel.

But, you might ask, what if I show empathy for others while they do not show empathy for me?   The cycle of resentment, retaliation and revenge that many of us find ourselves in often stems from a lack of empathy, from dwelling on our own hurts and our own point of view. This cycle hurts everyone. We can break it by courageously choosing compassion and forgiveness instead of anger and judgment. When others feel the effort we make to understand them, they will in turn seek to understand us.  Once we become more comfortable stretching past ourselves, we will certainly become more successful, happier people. We all benefit from empathetic living.  Bonnie Jean Wasmund said:

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

You may also ask, will I not lose my identity if I always imagine myself in the shoes of another? If we are confident in our own values and opinions, in our own culture, we will not feel threatened by “otherness”. Let us embrace the exciting dialogue that arises from otherness. Let us recognize the personal growth that comes from exposure to new ideas and from the process of seeking to understand. Let us remain a strong, healthy culture, which endures because of our willingness to share with others, our ability to adapt to a changing world, and our attitude of openness and respect. After all, as a man named Evan Brown said:

“The path to gaining respect is paved with knowledge and empathy.”

So, how then do we become a more empathetic people? It starts with setting aside our prejudices, and approaching other ideas and other communities with an open mind and an open heart. It starts with taking the time to listen and observe, and then by asking questions, questions not designed to defeat the ideas of another, but to understand them.

This Christmas we can begin by giving our family and friends the gifts and words of encouragement that reflect who théy are, not who wé are. When we see how good it feels to have a loved one say "You remembered", "You noticed", we will certainly be eager to practice empathy in our neighborhood, our workplace, and in our nation.

Now is the time to embrace the differences in our community that make us, as Antilleans, so special, and to clearly demonstrate empathy as the hallmark of the Antillean people.

My wife Dulcie and I, and our three

 sons, would like to extend to you the warmest wishes for this holiday season.